I aced my first Chem test. 91%, however, the few questions I missed were due largely in part to rushing; I made a number of simple mistakes.
There is another bit of good news though, our dutiful President Kelly, has decided to make me chair of marketing of Arete, HCC Honors Institute.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Not too bad...
Not as evil as I guessed, the first two Chem quizzes came back with a 10/10 each. The first Chem test wasn't as brutal as I expected. 33 questions and multiple choice, I wasn't too perplexed. There was a question that through me about converting Celsius to Kelvin; I could not remember the conversion factor for the life of J.J. Thomson.
I expect an "A" on it. Actually, I feel really great about it.
The labs are also going well. I love the practical side of it, the mixing and products gained; I love to bake, so that's not that surprising. There is something infinitely cool about combining two things and getting something new, ask any kid who is face deep in a mixing bowl of reluctant cake batter and they will tell you making stuff from other stuff is great.
Yeah, real deep, I know. It's freezing in here. *goes to get a hot chai latte*
I expect an "A" on it. Actually, I feel really great about it.
The labs are also going well. I love the practical side of it, the mixing and products gained; I love to bake, so that's not that surprising. There is something infinitely cool about combining two things and getting something new, ask any kid who is face deep in a mixing bowl of reluctant cake batter and they will tell you making stuff from other stuff is great.
Yeah, real deep, I know. It's freezing in here. *goes to get a hot chai latte*
Friday, June 3, 2011
The Chem Hath Hitteth the Fan...Par Deux
Ugh! I hate this stuff. Convoluted rules that exist without explanation. Bohr models and shells energy levels and nucleon numbers. The number of neutrons, deducible by an indecipherable notation system, based on the ability to perform quick subtraction. Well the dyscalculiatic redhead is frustrated and mad and disinterested.
What the fuck was I thinking?
Whatever, I made myself feel better and bought another book:
What the fuck was I thinking?
Whatever, I made myself feel better and bought another book:
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
The Chem Hath Hitteth the Fan...
One week in to Summer Chemistry and Society, and I'm left bewildered by the fact that this is only a 3 credit course. It is, in fact, a combined lecture and lab, "chemistry basics" course. Ten grueling weeks of tests, three part lab reports, essays, and the like. Yet, unlike standard science classes where the lecture is 3 credit hours and lab component gains you another, for a total of 4, Chemistry and Society is apparently considered the bare minimum in Chemistry education. I am not very happy about this. You all know my "claim your education" mantra, never settle for what they are willing to hand you, rise up and take that which you can handle.
Thing is, I never took Chem in high school; I skirted by with physical science and couple biologies. Looking towards an Ivy, I figured a base knowledge of Chemistry would be beneficial considering their rigorous science requirement. One week in, I'm scampering for the door after two three hour lecture sessions, so that I have enough time to muddle through pages of homework involving a level of math, I had all but forgotten. I've never felt like such an idiot, that corner of my brain a sort of rusty door hinge exposed to the elements, just opened after ages. The rules stood foggy, moving between the SI units you multiply by a 1000 or 1/1000 depending on the unit getting smaller or larger. The integer over 10, in scientific notation, looses a few if you move the decimal to the...left? Right? Left, yes...right.
Oh! What have I gotten myself into?
Stay tuned, this holds the promise of a fair amount of schadenfreude for all my dear readers.
Thing is, I never took Chem in high school; I skirted by with physical science and couple biologies. Looking towards an Ivy, I figured a base knowledge of Chemistry would be beneficial considering their rigorous science requirement. One week in, I'm scampering for the door after two three hour lecture sessions, so that I have enough time to muddle through pages of homework involving a level of math, I had all but forgotten. I've never felt like such an idiot, that corner of my brain a sort of rusty door hinge exposed to the elements, just opened after ages. The rules stood foggy, moving between the SI units you multiply by a 1000 or 1/1000 depending on the unit getting smaller or larger. The integer over 10, in scientific notation, looses a few if you move the decimal to the...left? Right? Left, yes...right.
Oh! What have I gotten myself into?
Stay tuned, this holds the promise of a fair amount of schadenfreude for all my dear readers.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Spring Finals Update Part II
Today is that fateful day grades are to be final for spring classes, so today's a big day. I may qualify for NSCS by the end of it all, so the bated breath with which I wait is considerably loaded.
Right off the bat, Dr. Comnes' posted his this morning, here's the current standings. I'll be updating through out theday week.
Honors Philosophy: A
Acting I:
Stage Makeup: A
Honors Leadership: A
GPA updated: 3.50→3.558→3.60→3.636
Updated:5/11/11 10:20 AM
Right off the bat, Dr. Comnes' posted his this morning, here's the current standings. I'll be updating through out the
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Acting I:
Stage Makeup: A
Honors Leadership: A
GPA updated: 3.50→3.558→3.60→3.636
Updated:5/11/11 10:20 AM
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Honors Philosophy Writing Samples
Friday, May 6, 2011
Spring Finals Update
Things below the surface seem dubious but, on the surface things couldn't be going better.
My leadership group project earned an "A" and my team evaluations a 145/150. There are still three small papers to be graded, one of which was much shorter than the requirement of 500 words. Admittedly, I had forgotten all about them, and so at the last minute threw it together. In my defense, it was a reflection on the group project, and you can only write so much before it gets repetitive. I had something to turn in, which is more than some could say. Still a little more organization on my part, would have aided the situation. Other than that, I'm still worried about how a number of absences from being sick in the beginning of the semester will affect everything else. Stage Makeup, my biggest concern thus far, I have is the only grade actually posted so far: A. My philosophy final exam went smoothly and I've been guaranteed an enthusiastic reccomendation letter by the professor. I was really very moved and connected well to the anti- mass consumerism view of the class. I took a lot away from it, in fact I was in angry tears by the time I had written the final lines of my final. The convictions I took away from that class were that solid. Oddly enough, straight from that final I went my Acting final filled with enough disgust, Tennessee Williams himself would have been proud of Maggie. I transposed a few lines during my scene from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. This was due in part to the fact that the monologue had been cut from a longer version I learned closer to the beginning of the semester. Once you learn a song or a lyric one way, it's quite hard to chop it up and re-memorize it, a second. So the other lovely young lady, who performed the scene, Carmen Elia had much better memorization, but both ended up having two different flavors.
So let's look at the tot board:
Honors Philosophy:
Acting I:
Stage Makeup: A
Honors Leadership:
GPA updated: 3.500 -> 3.558
My leadership group project earned an "A" and my team evaluations a 145/150. There are still three small papers to be graded, one of which was much shorter than the requirement of 500 words. Admittedly, I had forgotten all about them, and so at the last minute threw it together. In my defense, it was a reflection on the group project, and you can only write so much before it gets repetitive. I had something to turn in, which is more than some could say. Still a little more organization on my part, would have aided the situation. Other than that, I'm still worried about how a number of absences from being sick in the beginning of the semester will affect everything else. Stage Makeup, my biggest concern thus far, I have is the only grade actually posted so far: A. My philosophy final exam went smoothly and I've been guaranteed an enthusiastic reccomendation letter by the professor. I was really very moved and connected well to the anti- mass consumerism view of the class. I took a lot away from it, in fact I was in angry tears by the time I had written the final lines of my final. The convictions I took away from that class were that solid. Oddly enough, straight from that final I went my Acting final filled with enough disgust, Tennessee Williams himself would have been proud of Maggie. I transposed a few lines during my scene from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. This was due in part to the fact that the monologue had been cut from a longer version I learned closer to the beginning of the semester. Once you learn a song or a lyric one way, it's quite hard to chop it up and re-memorize it, a second. So the other lovely young lady, who performed the scene, Carmen Elia had much better memorization, but both ended up having two different flavors.
So let's look at the tot board:
Honors Philosophy:
Acting I:
Stage Makeup: A
Honors Leadership:
GPA updated: 3.500 -> 3.558
Friday, April 29, 2011
Lightning Strikes Twice for HCC Honors
At least two HCC Honor's Institute members have been accepted to Columbia this year. I can't help to think this is boding well, with a little less than a year until my transfer and just months until my application is due, this is a real boost that two women with similar educational backgrounds have achieved the same goal I have set for myself. Congratulations to both Loren and Stephanie, I look up up to both of you immensely and hope that soon I too will be a fellow Lion.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Spring Grades starting to trickle in...
Honors Leadership is done and graded: an "A" it is!
More coming in the next week or so.
Philosophy, based on exam grades and our group presentation, I'm forecasting an A as well. Stage makeup is a little shaky, because in all honesty, the time and money weren't there for me to take it seriously enough, and with only half the class ever bothering to show, it was hard to care when so much more was going on. Not entirely sure whether it's a lesson learned. I know coming out of that class that, I know the material I'm supposed to know, both rhetorically and practically, which is more than the professor can say for good many in that class. Then, of course, there is acting. Everything is on track to go well, but I'm really quite hating warm-ups at the beginning of class, I find my self getting in to Maggie (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof) and The Stage Manager (The Father Clock) before getting to class, and wanting to jump into scene work. Then having to come back out and do some silly animal prep or exhaustive emotional memory exercise, after which I'm entirely too spent in the opposite direction to work on my scenes. A little more memorization is needed, especially on Father Clock, which has had yet another addition. I'm not very worried about it because now all my other two large group projects have been presented and graded.
So here's the to-do list:
Philosophy
-Outline for final in class essay: "Is philosophy possible in the 21st century", ≤100 words or less
Leadership
-Habit reactionary ≤300 words (x2)
-Group project reactionary ≤500 words
Stage Makeup
- Short Answer Written final (in class)
-Group Portrait Practical Final (Manet's The Balcony)
Acting
-Final Performance of in Showcase for Arts Staff of "Cat" and "Father Clock" scene.
-Play Review (Going to see Eckerd Theater Company's Twelfth Night)
In other news Janelle has convinced me I need a Mac...and here's a picture I took of Columbia °ᴥ°
More coming in the next week or so.
Philosophy, based on exam grades and our group presentation, I'm forecasting an A as well. Stage makeup is a little shaky, because in all honesty, the time and money weren't there for me to take it seriously enough, and with only half the class ever bothering to show, it was hard to care when so much more was going on. Not entirely sure whether it's a lesson learned. I know coming out of that class that, I know the material I'm supposed to know, both rhetorically and practically, which is more than the professor can say for good many in that class. Then, of course, there is acting. Everything is on track to go well, but I'm really quite hating warm-ups at the beginning of class, I find my self getting in to Maggie (Cat on a Hot Tin Roof) and The Stage Manager (The Father Clock) before getting to class, and wanting to jump into scene work. Then having to come back out and do some silly animal prep or exhaustive emotional memory exercise, after which I'm entirely too spent in the opposite direction to work on my scenes. A little more memorization is needed, especially on Father Clock, which has had yet another addition. I'm not very worried about it because now all my other two large group projects have been presented and graded.
So here's the to-do list:
Philosophy
-Outline for final in class essay: "Is philosophy possible in the 21st century", ≤100 words or less
Leadership
-Habit reactionary ≤300 words (x2)
-Group project reactionary ≤500 words
Stage Makeup
- Short Answer Written final (in class)
-Group Portrait Practical Final (Manet's The Balcony)
Acting
-Final Performance of in Showcase for Arts Staff of "Cat" and "Father Clock" scene.
-Play Review (Going to see Eckerd Theater Company's Twelfth Night)
In other news Janelle has convinced me I need a Mac...and here's a picture I took of Columbia °ᴥ°
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
If I procrastinated, why does it feel like i havent wasted any time?
So, here we are in the final throwes of the Spring 2011 semester, and as luck would have it, I have quaite a few projects all happen to have due dates within the same week, namely tommorow. Here's a quick rundown of things:
Philosophy:
Philosophy:
- 10 Min Powerpoint for group presentation on Hellenistics/Post-Aristotleans (4/25)
- Outline for in-class essay final (5/9)
- Finish Makeup Morgue (4/20)
- Final group project ideas (4/20)
- Memorize full Cat on a Hot Tin Roof scene for final performance (??)
- Two reactionary papers 1500 words each, on two separate habits from Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (4/27)
- One Confessional Paper (no length requirement) about our group service learning project (4/27)
- 30 Min Powerpoint for group service learning project presentation (4/20)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Fall Schedule Update
+
Fall '11
Fall '11
☐ - Honors Early American History (Social Sciences Req. - 3 Hours)
☐ - Honors Marine Biology with Lab (Natural Sciences Elective Req. - 4 Hours)
☐ - Acting II (Dramatic Arts Elective Req. - 3 Hours)
☐ - Performance Workshop (Dramatic Arts Elective - 3 Hours)
☐ - Arete Board Membership (pending nomination)
☐ - Honors Marine Biology with Lab (Natural Sciences Elective Req. - 4 Hours)
☐ - Acting II (Dramatic Arts Elective Req. - 3 Hours)
☐ - Performance Workshop (Dramatic Arts Elective - 3 Hours)
☐ - Arete Board Membership (pending nomination)
Fall, will by far be one of the most demanding schedules I've had, to date. Honors Early Am. Hist and Honors Marine Biology, dominate Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at Dale Mabry (15 mile drive). While Tuesday and Thursday are Ybor days for drama classes (20 mile drive). Yay!
So on another note, I'm in need of a car that can handle such driving, as my '90 Camry is close to shuffling off it's mortal coil springs.
Monday, April 4, 2011
NEW YORK! Trip recap and summer schedule update!
*UPDATE*
Current Courses and Work and What's On Deck
Current Courses and Work and What's On Deck
+
Summer '11
☐- Chemistry and Society (Physical Science Req. - 3 Hours)
Fall '11
Update coming soon
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
New York pics after class, including Ami's Columbia hookup!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Midterms Par Deux!
Honors Philosophy: 93 +undetermined extra credit for an earlier paper = "A"!
Stage Makeup: 96 = "A"!
Woooooo!
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!
And remember, in this time of celebration, there are many struggling to make sense of great loss. To rebuild, they will need our help:
Red Cross-Your gift to the American Red Cross will support our disaster relief efforts to help those affected by the earthquake in Japan and tsunami throughout the Pacific.
Text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10.
https://american.redcross.org/
International Medical Corps—Text MED to 80888 to give $10 to International Medical Corps and learn about additional ways you can help medical teams administer support and healthcare. https://www.internationalmedicalcorps.org
Salvation Army—The Salvation Army in Japan already has three emergency service teams operating in devastated areas, and other global territories like South Korea and Hawaii have pledged their support. Call 1-800-SAL-ARMY to donate or text "Japan" or "Quake" to 80888 to make a $10 donation (Please make sure to respond "YES" to the Thank You message you will receive).
https://donate.salvationarmyusa.org
Shelterbox—This international aid organization responds immediately to disaster and conflict-stricken countries by sending utility boxes that can provide up to 10 people with shelter and lifesaving equipment tailored for each location. And because you can track your box all the way to the recipient country, you are assured that your money is going where it's supposed to. Donate online.
http://www.shelterbox.org
Fast Retailing—Fast Retailing group, the Japanese corporation that brought Uniqlo to our shores, is backing the country's recovery program using its vast assets. President, Chairman and CEO Tadashi Yanai is set to make a personal donation of 1 billion yen, while 700 million yen of clothing will be sent to victims. All company stores worldwide will have donation boxes where customers can drop off donations. In the US, you can visit Uniqlo to drop off yours.
Uniqlo 546 Broadway, New York, NY 10012 USA.
http://www.fastretailing.com
Lady Gaga Prayer Bracelet —You don't have to be a Monster fan to join the pop superstar's latest cause. Gaga has designed a $5 "We Pray For Japan" Wristband on sale at her website, with all proceeds from the sale going to tsunami relief efforts. You'll also be given the option to give an additional donation. http://ladygaga.shop.bravadousa.com
Twitter Hashtags—A Twitter blog post has detailed various ways to help out in relief efforts (scroll down to read in English). Among other things, the site has identified special earthquake hashtags you can retweet and/or follow to help spread information about the disaster in Japan.
http://twitter.com
#Jishin: General earthquake information
#J_j_helpme: Requests for rescue or other aid
#Hinan: Evacuation information
#Anpi: Confirmation of safety of individuals, places, etc.
#311care: Medical information for victims
Google—Google's Crisis Response page lists news and information related to the Japan disaster. It also has Person Finder app which people can use to search or give information about missing loved ones, and other resources such as transportation status, blackout information, and shelter resident lists.
http://www.google.com/crisisresponse
Facebook—The social network has created the Global Disaster Relief page, which allows visitors access to information on a host of organizations where you can donate. Zynga users, for instance, can donate money by purchasing virtual goods in CityVille, FrontierVille, FarmVille, and other games, with the objective of raising $2 million for Save the Children's Japan Earthquake Tsunami Emergency Fund.
http://www.facebook.com/DisasterRelief
Global Giving—Online donations to their Japan project will be disbursed to a network of organizations providing relief and emergency services to victims, including International Medical Corps, and Save the Children. The site also gives you the option of making a gift donation or naming it in honor of someone.
http://www.globalgiving.org
-or-
text JAPAN to 50555 to give $10
Doctors Without Borders—This international medical organization is staffed by doctors and journalists, many of whom have been sent out as medical teams to support government relief response. They are also running mobile clinics and conducting needs assessments, all of which are funded by unrestricted donations given to MSF. To donate, visit their website online.
http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org
Stage Makeup: 96 = "A"!
Woooooo!
Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!
And remember, in this time of celebration, there are many struggling to make sense of great loss. To rebuild, they will need our help:
Red Cross-Your gift to the American Red Cross will support our disaster relief efforts to help those affected by the earthquake in Japan and tsunami throughout the Pacific.
Text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10.
https://american.redcross.org/
International Medical Corps—Text MED to 80888 to give $10 to International Medical Corps and learn about additional ways you can help medical teams administer support and healthcare. https://www.internationalmedicalcorps.org
Salvation Army—The Salvation Army in Japan already has three emergency service teams operating in devastated areas, and other global territories like South Korea and Hawaii have pledged their support. Call 1-800-SAL-ARMY to donate or text "Japan" or "Quake" to 80888 to make a $10 donation (Please make sure to respond "YES" to the Thank You message you will receive).
https://donate.salvationarmyusa.org
Shelterbox—This international aid organization responds immediately to disaster and conflict-stricken countries by sending utility boxes that can provide up to 10 people with shelter and lifesaving equipment tailored for each location. And because you can track your box all the way to the recipient country, you are assured that your money is going where it's supposed to. Donate online.
http://www.shelterbox.org
Fast Retailing—Fast Retailing group, the Japanese corporation that brought Uniqlo to our shores, is backing the country's recovery program using its vast assets. President, Chairman and CEO Tadashi Yanai is set to make a personal donation of 1 billion yen, while 700 million yen of clothing will be sent to victims. All company stores worldwide will have donation boxes where customers can drop off donations. In the US, you can visit Uniqlo to drop off yours.
Uniqlo 546 Broadway, New York, NY 10012 USA.
http://www.fastretailing.com
Lady Gaga Prayer Bracelet —You don't have to be a Monster fan to join the pop superstar's latest cause. Gaga has designed a $5 "We Pray For Japan" Wristband on sale at her website, with all proceeds from the sale going to tsunami relief efforts. You'll also be given the option to give an additional donation. http://ladygaga.shop.bravadousa.com
Twitter Hashtags—A Twitter blog post has detailed various ways to help out in relief efforts (scroll down to read in English). Among other things, the site has identified special earthquake hashtags you can retweet and/or follow to help spread information about the disaster in Japan.
http://twitter.com
#Jishin: General earthquake information
#J_j_helpme: Requests for rescue or other aid
#Hinan: Evacuation information
#Anpi: Confirmation of safety of individuals, places, etc.
#311care: Medical information for victims
Google—Google's Crisis Response page lists news and information related to the Japan disaster. It also has Person Finder app which people can use to search or give information about missing loved ones, and other resources such as transportation status, blackout information, and shelter resident lists.
http://www.google.com/crisisresponse
Facebook—The social network has created the Global Disaster Relief page, which allows visitors access to information on a host of organizations where you can donate. Zynga users, for instance, can donate money by purchasing virtual goods in CityVille, FrontierVille, FarmVille, and other games, with the objective of raising $2 million for Save the Children's Japan Earthquake Tsunami Emergency Fund.
http://www.facebook.com/DisasterRelief
Global Giving—Online donations to their Japan project will be disbursed to a network of organizations providing relief and emergency services to victims, including International Medical Corps, and Save the Children. The site also gives you the option of making a gift donation or naming it in honor of someone.
http://www.globalgiving.org
-or-
text JAPAN to 50555 to give $10
Doctors Without Borders—This international medical organization is staffed by doctors and journalists, many of whom have been sent out as medical teams to support government relief response. They are also running mobile clinics and conducting needs assessments, all of which are funded by unrestricted donations given to MSF. To donate, visit their website online.
http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The Shock! The Horror! The Midterms! Ahhhhhh!
Alright, OK, so it wasn't all that bad. Honors Philosophy was quite interesting as it was a two day test; multiple choice and short answer, day one and essay, day two.
We just, so Brittany, Angel, the rest of our little breakfast club, and I are all still waiting as impatiently as little kids waiting for the ice cream truck on a sweltering summer day. This exam is 30% of the grade, so the intimidation is reasonably justified.
We just, so Brittany, Angel, the rest of our little breakfast club, and I are all still waiting as impatiently as little kids waiting for the ice cream truck on a sweltering summer day. This exam is 30% of the grade, so the intimidation is reasonably justified.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
A Meeting!
Back on the 14th, I had the opportunity to meet, greet, and chat up a real live admissions rep from C:GS.
Matt was even nice enough to recommend some tips about sitting in on a class! Along with the email I received from Admin. Assistant Cathy Li, I am feeling really hyped for the New York visit in just over a month.
In other study news, I've taken learning Korean with the help of good friend Brittany! I've done fairly well considering the small amount of time I have to devote to it. I can already write my name ( 애미 ), and sound out/read most sentences as I read them, even though I lack the vocab for comprehension just yet. As it turns out the Korean alphabet, Hangul, is extremely similar in phonetics and structure to the English one. It also only has 26 majorly used letters, which compared to other East-Asian languages makes it a cake walk. I'm really quite excited about continuing on with it, as I have never picked up the basics of a language so quickly before.
Well that's it for now, I suppose. See you later! 나중에 봬요!
Matthew Rotstein, Director of Admissions for GS, paid a visit to the HCC Honors Institute in an information session set up by Dr. Lyons. He covered a lot of important questions I had about the Columbia Core, what credit would transfer, and what I should take while finishing up my AA. I also managed to get my hands on a paper app:
In other study news, I've taken learning Korean with the help of good friend Brittany! I've done fairly well considering the small amount of time I have to devote to it. I can already write my name ( 애미 ), and sound out/read most sentences as I read them, even though I lack the vocab for comprehension just yet. As it turns out the Korean alphabet, Hangul, is extremely similar in phonetics and structure to the English one. It also only has 26 majorly used letters, which compared to other East-Asian languages makes it a cake walk. I'm really quite excited about continuing on with it, as I have never picked up the basics of a language so quickly before.
Well that's it for now, I suppose. See you later! 나중에 봬요!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
#%#^ Issues
So, I've recently exposed myself as a harlot, a jezebel, an criminal. My crime, you ask? I fell for someone I wasn't with and he reciprocated.
I revealed the truth to my boyfriend of 4 years and he reacted with out much surprise, he had known I was very close with the person in particular, as friend; we spent quite a lot of time together. Then, the person in question went on a trip to Korea over the holidays. He stayed with what I was assured was his ex, that he had tried to get out of it because shes a miserable shrew, but that getting a hotel for himself would blow his budget. I didn't feel good about it but, who was I start making demands, as we'd only been together for a barely a month and our relationship was never truly defined as exclusive. He went, and I missed him profusely, and old feelings and close proximity led to a fanning of the romantic flame for he and his.
We were extremely connected and I felt the change 7000 miles away with out him saying a word. I just kept being supportive about him enjoying the travel experience, while he regaled me with tales of fighting at DisneySea, splitting and meeting back up at the gate at the end of the day, her making comparisons to an ex-boyfriend of hers, and crying after a apathetic round of sex. When he finally returned, I felt the rift, it was days before we talked or saw each other. I got up the courage to ask for a ride home, I did after all have a Christmas gift to exchange with him. The next 2 weeks were strange, there was little conversation and it seemed to have lost the flow there had been just weeks before; he was pulling away. Eventually he told me that since he's been back he's felt homesick and actually misses Seoul more than he enjoys being home and that regardless of the girlfriend being there, he wishes he was. He explained that he needs space and time to be alone and figure himself out and figure out what he wants; he encouraged me to do the same when I go to New York. When I pressed him about giving up us and the happiness that went with it, he stressed strong reservations about me leaving in a year for NY. He said he didn't want to get close to someone who's leaving and set him self up to be hurt the way he was with the the (ex)gf in Korea. That it was all very complicated because he had strong feelings for some parts of his relationship with her and feelings for me at the same time.
Again, after only 2 months of being semi-together, this revelation hurt like hell, but it felt fair. Which makes thing very complicated for me, because I have to let go of someone I don't want to for right now in the hopes maybe I'll be picked. This is where my uber-fem-bitch-logic kicks in and screams: "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DROP HIS ASS! NO MAN IS WORTH THE WAIT AND SEE BULLSHIT! WTF ARE YOU THINKING?!"
So, I'm taking a break. I'm a simple girl when it comes to relationships, if I'm not having fun, if there's too much drama I'm extremely inclined to walk away. I don't like to play games, and right now, all the sweet memories and sensations and promising things said, have an aftertaste of being "He really meant it! No, I'm being played. He will choose you eventually he just needs time. Run."
So anyway my point is that I've been extremely unfocused on school, and this has been dangerous. I've let things lax, lost interest. My heart hasn't been in it because it's been busy with the relatively inane. I've become depressed and confused and thus have not been able to effectively deal with or care about what's important.
This is not acceptable.
I revealed the truth to my boyfriend of 4 years and he reacted with out much surprise, he had known I was very close with the person in particular, as friend; we spent quite a lot of time together. Then, the person in question went on a trip to Korea over the holidays. He stayed with what I was assured was his ex, that he had tried to get out of it because shes a miserable shrew, but that getting a hotel for himself would blow his budget. I didn't feel good about it but, who was I start making demands, as we'd only been together for a barely a month and our relationship was never truly defined as exclusive. He went, and I missed him profusely, and old feelings and close proximity led to a fanning of the romantic flame for he and his.
We were extremely connected and I felt the change 7000 miles away with out him saying a word. I just kept being supportive about him enjoying the travel experience, while he regaled me with tales of fighting at DisneySea, splitting and meeting back up at the gate at the end of the day, her making comparisons to an ex-boyfriend of hers, and crying after a apathetic round of sex. When he finally returned, I felt the rift, it was days before we talked or saw each other. I got up the courage to ask for a ride home, I did after all have a Christmas gift to exchange with him. The next 2 weeks were strange, there was little conversation and it seemed to have lost the flow there had been just weeks before; he was pulling away. Eventually he told me that since he's been back he's felt homesick and actually misses Seoul more than he enjoys being home and that regardless of the girlfriend being there, he wishes he was. He explained that he needs space and time to be alone and figure himself out and figure out what he wants; he encouraged me to do the same when I go to New York. When I pressed him about giving up us and the happiness that went with it, he stressed strong reservations about me leaving in a year for NY. He said he didn't want to get close to someone who's leaving and set him self up to be hurt the way he was with the the (ex)gf in Korea. That it was all very complicated because he had strong feelings for some parts of his relationship with her and feelings for me at the same time.
Again, after only 2 months of being semi-together, this revelation hurt like hell, but it felt fair. Which makes thing very complicated for me, because I have to let go of someone I don't want to for right now in the hopes maybe I'll be picked. This is where my uber-fem-bitch-logic kicks in and screams: "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DROP HIS ASS! NO MAN IS WORTH THE WAIT AND SEE BULLSHIT! WTF ARE YOU THINKING?!"
So, I'm taking a break. I'm a simple girl when it comes to relationships, if I'm not having fun, if there's too much drama I'm extremely inclined to walk away. I don't like to play games, and right now, all the sweet memories and sensations and promising things said, have an aftertaste of being "He really meant it! No, I'm being played. He will choose you eventually he just needs time. Run."
I know, a big part of me wants to not give him the benefit of doubt, but then I think: why does he need space from me and not any of his other friends? Why would he do that if he didn’t feel he was getting to close to something real with me? He’s not one to lie, he’s not that good an actor and as much stuff as I know about him (his mom abandoning him and sibs when he was little, his stepdads suicide, his childhood friend going to prison, ect.) It feels so much more substantial that a 2 month fling.
So anyway my point is that I've been extremely unfocused on school, and this has been dangerous. I've let things lax, lost interest. My heart hasn't been in it because it's been busy with the relatively inane. I've become depressed and confused and thus have not been able to effectively deal with or care about what's important.
This is not acceptable.
Friday, January 21, 2011
What's Wrong With Education In America Vol. 1
In Texas school districts, hundreds of tickets have been given to students, turning schoolyard shenanigans into Class C misdemeanors. Children as young as 6 years old have been ticketed, reported Dallas News.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/20/texas-schools-send-unruly_n_811801.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/20/texas-schools-send-unruly_n_811801.html
Friday, January 14, 2011
Back to the grind...beginning SP11
You know, I truly hate the hurry-up-and-wait aspect of the beginning of the semester. I know, in mere weeks I'll be bitching incessantly about not having enough time and being overrun with reading assignments and papers, however, the first week or so, before all the weaklings and dilettantes are weeded out through drop/add, are frustrating.
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